So in the midst of all the thinking that has been happening in my life lately I have made a realization that has allowed me to ease up on myself and allow myself to learn,err, to grow to live and just be Taffy. A few weeks ago I had the courage to change my Twitter bio and Facebook status but above all I have internalized the fact that “Hi my name is Taffy and I am work in progress. No perfection here just the best of me. The best bit about it is I am cool with it and so is everyone else who matters”. I initially struggled with this because it felt like a declaration of mediocrity but a few more weeks of thinking on it and I can confidently tell you that it’s a total acknowledgement of who I have worked so hard to become yet an acknowledgement that I still have a lot to learn and improve on. The best that I could be today is this,here,now but I promise even more is yet to come.
My full names are (that’s how we say it here in Zambia) Tafadzwa Geraldine Bête Sasa. Tafadzwa Geraldine, by birth and 1001 other reason a Bete and by love now a Sasa. I mostly go by Taffy (spelt Taphy after my brother decided I needed a cool name). I almost lost myself there as I changed qualifications, jobs, towns,social, legal and economic statuses so I have chosen Taffy to be the one name which I always take with me. So you can call me daughter Taffy, friend Taffy, toastmaster Taffy, Aunty Taffy, Mrs Taffy and in the future Dr Taffy- The titles are only your perception of me but who I see in the mirror is just Taffy. I am a work in progress-everyday I learn something, figure out something, improve something but that also means today I will make some mistakes, not know something and unlearn something but please be patient because…..
…….there is no perfection here just the best of me. This was the hardest past of this process to embrace. Somewhere along the way I kind of fell into the trap of pursuing perfection. I just had to do whatever I did so perfectly well and when I could not for the fear of disapproval, rejection and not being good enough I am sad that I at times covered it up so hard and tried to be perfect. I am not sure how well I fared with that but I know it drained me. I was scared to admit I do not know or I can’t so at the cost of close relationships, others feelings and my very own self image I chased perfection. I have relooked my standards of highest achievement and shifted it from the draining idea of perfection to the growing idea of my very best.My idea of perfect was how everyone else thought it should be yet now I find comfort in how I can apply all I am,know and have to deliver my best? You see if I waited for the day I could write a perfect blog, I may never have started. If I waited for the day I completely stopped doing the bad, to start doing the good, I may never have done a single good thing. If I waited for the day I believed I was perfectly qualified I may never have stepped up to the many opportunities that changed my life. Now though i have not perfected my turning when I drive I still went Kart racing and had an amazing time. Though I cannot cook a perfect three course meal, I will invite my friends for dinner and give it my best shot. The perfect conditions and timing may not come in this life time and since I am now working with my very best and the best of me that I could have today is this here…..I am living my life right now as I am.
I still smile when I remember that this journey of self love and self acceptance began with other peoples assurance. It took a kind loving assurance to assure me that as I am, I am good and if I gave it my best it would be just fine. Simple phrases like ” we will figure it out”and “we learn something new everyday” finally had me put my guard down and start loving who I am and be. The people who matter in our life understand our struggles, experiences and know and totally appreciate who we are without exerting any pressure. These are the people who will give us feedback and cheer on when we try because they know we can improve and want to help us. Oh and yeah just in case you missed it, I do imply that if you cannot believe I can improve, help me improve or just patiently let me figure out then maybe ….just maybe…….Some day as my edges are smoothed over, my efficiency increased,my tenderness and patience are restored and I work like a clock we might catch up but for now…..
Hi my name is Taffy and I am work in progress. No perfection here just the best of me. The best part is I am cool with it and so is everyone who matters
and I was wondering….have you figured you out?Who are you?